So we're sitting at the bar in a favorite neighborhood restaurant having lunch with a bit of red wine, a luxury afforded us retirees, when I casually mention to my husband, "You're wearing that olive colored shirt again. It makes you look sad. Why not wear something more perky?"
You'd think the world had exploded. He bowed his head and with a deep sign emanating from his chest mumbled, "You are so critical." Even after trying to explain that I was purely stating a visual fact, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, and whispering that I was concerned, it was clear I was misunderstood. "Don't you know the difference between critique and criticism? Critique is fine, but not criticism." He was right; I didn't understand; I admitted it and asked for examples. Turning to face me, he obfuscated and snickered, "I can tell the difference." Not wanting to create what could have become a therapeutic discussion about his attitude, I apologized for my words; however, even if he was an English major, I don't think he knows what he is talking about.
Is the difference between critique and criticism one of nuanced interpretation and impact rather than in pure definition? Is it more about the messenger over the content; or is it the receiver's previous experiences that creates the impact? Determined to find out, I came home to investigate.
Criticism, according to the latest addition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary and Wikipedia explain that criticism is "the act of expressing disapproval, finding fault or of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing." This encompasses evaluating, analyzing or making a remark or observational comment, of making careful judgments about the good and bad qualities of something. Critique, on the other hand, is criticism of a particular item.
Smiling at the computer, congratulating myself on proving my husband was bluffing, he really didn't know the difference between the terms because there is no difference, I clearly win. However, let's be real, because I lose for finding fault. My language was not objective. I went beyond the observable ('you are wearing your olive shirt'); I saw his shirt choice as a problem. My apology earlier at lunch was the appropriate act of contrition. However, what's a woman to do when her loved one repeatedly wears colors that make him look sad when she knows he isn't?
Answer: Lay out the pink shirt on the bed while he's in the shower and hope for the best.
2 comments:
The difference between critique and criticism is oft in the ear of the receiver (or the eye of the beholder if it is a sharp stick as Monty would say). In the extreme 'Criticism' is when your (ex) partner/wife/etc. eviscerates you for the umpteenth time; Critique is when someone admonishes you under the neutral guise of say a professional; e.g., movie or literary critic who is being paid, for the alleged purpose of making you a better author/artist/person and therefore advancing the state of the art being critiqued (somewhat self serving perhaps) and in the case of critiquing a person, advancing humanity.
Barside over a glass of wine
it dissipates,
into gentle Autumn's late afternoon
Is it the easing of words, perhaps
to wake someone from slumber,
or just pass idle time,
or ?
The difference between critique and criticism is oft in the ear of the receiver (or the eye of the beholder if it is a sharp stick as Monty would say). In the extreme 'Criticism' is when your (ex) partner/wife/etc. eviscerates you for the umpteenth time; Critique is when someone admonishes you under the neutral guise of say a professional; e.g., movie or literary critic who is being paid, for the alleged purpose of making you a better author/artist/person and therefore advancing the state of the art being critiqued (somewhat self serving perhaps) and in the case of critiquing a person, advancing humanity.
Barside over a glass of wine
it dissipates,
into gentle Autumn's late afternoon
Is it the easing of words, perhaps
to wake someone from slumber,
or just pass idle time,
or ?
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