Interim Report

Three months into my "not working anymore", it's time to take stock. Contrary to what many people have reported to experience, I do not miss working one bit as evidenced by a near 20 point drop in my blood pressure, luxuriating in bed until the ungodly hour of 8 AM, and a consistent three times a week workout during which I am running three miles, doing 90 sit-ups and lifting free weights to keep my aging shoulders as strong as possible.  We are focused on tricking out our sail boat for a live aboard life next year and I am diving into reading and writing in a more serious effort to develop a new skill set.  Working with computers, software and other IT related endeavors has been banished from my repertoire.

However, I am driving my husband bonkers because the pace at which I move still approaches "full throttle" while his continues to be "manana".  Think of us as the hare and the tortoise.  As Aesop's story goes, the snail ends up winning so I have adjustments to make.  He is doggedly persistent, never giving up even if it takes months, a valuable strength when trying to return a purchase after the posted return period has lapsed.  

On further observation, I witnessed that my husband is not always moving at a tortoise's pace; what keeps him from task completion is a thirst for information, because "you never know when the information might be useful", an asset for his consulting work because it keeps him up-to-date across many sources; however, from my "let's get things done on the home front perspective" the ease at which he switches from task to research is a "going down the rabbit hole experience" where one thing always leads to another.  This is frustrating because his response to inquiries is "I'm getting to it."   On top of that, it's my rabbit hole.  I'm the hare.

Climbing out of that rabbit hole, it's back to the interim report. Not having direct responsibilities is a refreshing experience; however, not being responsible, I am learning leads to problems of one's own making as when I found myself making my evening cocktail at 4 PM, early by anyone's clock.  My body was physically aching for it and my mind responded, "Well, OK.  I don't have anything to do, so why not?"  And, since it was early, I ended up having more before dinner was over. Then, I fell a second time, this time in our hotel room while visiting in NYC (the first time was a fall while reaching back to a shelf in our boat that resulted in a dislocated shoulder).  Not a bad fall, just a "lost my balance fall" as I reached into closet to hang up my coat.  It scared me, what is wrong with my balance? I didn't feel drunk even though I had polished off a goodly amount after dinner without realizing it.

It was time to get real with myself.  When I look at my genetic history it's clear to me I've got an issue that must be addressed.  My dad stopped drinking in his 50's because of excruciating headaches set off by alcohol and my mother died nine years ago of diabetes after 25 years of binge drinking. If liquor was in the house, she had to finish it off.  On the night of November 14, 2015 I decided to take action before anything else happens.

Since making that decision, I wake up every morning fresh and clear, having had an uninterrupted night's sleep. And, I enjoy doing things in the evening besides watching television.  Two great benefits have already accrued; we spend less money and I'm losing a few pounds without trying.  

Am I an alcoholic?  Most likely I am well on my way down that path.  I've seen what it looks in others close to me who came to the end of the road before an intervention forced them into recovery and I don't want to go there.  I know where to turn if I need additional support, but right now, I feel relieved and re-energized.  To be honest with one's self  has not been easy but it has been worthwhile.