One night with Janis Joplin

Remember what is was like in the 70's?  This play brought back those feelings that anything was possible; that life should be endless and could be lived without fear -- weekends of late night parties, loud throbbing music, mind numbing marijuana and overflowing liquor that culminated, if I was lucky and the guy could still function, in an fantastic sexual encounter.  I was sure that I could escape the lives of my unhappy and bored parents.  I was sure I could save myself from the future.  I was going to be different -- passionate, artistic, stunning, experimental!

Faced with the reality of the future - that nothing could be better than what Janis had on stage with her music.  No one could control her and she could feel so deeply.  However, no relationship or anything else could fill the emptiness she felt after the music was over. Janis Joplin killed herself with drugs and alcohol at age 37. 

Faced with the reality of the future, I feared the emptiness too so I married only to discover that I hated being entrapped  and having no options more than I feared the emptiness.  Above all else, I wanted control over my life -- what I did, who I was and who I would become - good or bad.  That meant I could never be the subservient wife or obedient employee. Striving overpowered the emptiness.  After seeing the play I realized that I had been determined to find what Janis found on stage in front of an audience -- the oneness and the ecstasy of completeness.

Flash forward 35 years.  It is the future.  I not only survived, I did well.  I didn't become my parents.  My life has never been boring.  I'm neither trapped nor empty.  I am content with myself, finally.  My work is my work -- creative yet sometimes boring; challenging yet sometimes so easy that I almost stop thinking; satisfying yet sometimes so exhausting that there is nothing left at the end of the day.  I've had a happy relationship for over 20 years.  However, never has the work or my partner brought me the oneness and completeness that Janis' music and audiences brought her. However, there are times when the breezes, sun, and water's soothing surface combine into a perfect harmony as I slice a path through the water. I find oneness and the ecstasy of completeness when I sail.