Happiness - another perspective

As I put the final touches on last week's the blog entry, The Happiness of Daily Routine, I looked up at the TV occasionally, sneaking a view at the NPR program, This Emotional Life, which takes a scientific look at the source of happiness in humans. I learned my daily routine happiness runs contrary to what research is clearly telling us--the single, largest source to human happiness is the positive relationships we share with people. The largest contributor to sadness and depression is isolation. In other words, our network of friends and family have the ability to bring us more happiness than intelligence, fame, fortune or sex.

I slapped my forehead with my hand and sighed -- Am I wrong? Isn't the inner contentment I feel from the routine I've brought to my life happiness? Or is it something else? I sighed again, looked down at Fred who lay beside me. He raised his head and made a noise that could only have been a belch. Obviously, for a dog, the source of happiness is not a concern. He has a dog's life -- regular meals, regular walks and a warm bed to sleep in every night. Is my emotional state equal to that of a dog? I shook my head and went to bed.

As I fluffed my pillow last night and thought about a blog comment, I remembered my first day in first grade at Ellsworth school. I was seven and had just moved north from Alabama. It was recess. I didn't know anyone. I was the outsider who talked funny. But, Holly and Susie took my hands in a game of Hi Diddle Dill and I was happy. It was the beginning of the network of friends I have today. I've had my share of humorless and hurtful experiences (aka marriages) have come close to breaking my spirit--my ability to feel happy. But, when that happens I often a friend or a sister. A Joycean stream of consciousness on my part and a good listen by a her always works to calm my churning stomach, restore my confidence, and start me on the road back to happiness.

There are times when I've found myself reaching out beyond my network to find other supportive relationships. When I found myself in a marriage to an alcholic who didn't think he was one and was not about to do anything about it (It was my problem, he declared!), I went to Alonon meetings. Through a network of positive relationships I was able to sooth my broken heart, make the tough decisions, find joy in being alive. I was not alone, obsessing in isolation. My confidence returned as I discovered that I don't have to live in chaos, crisis and conflict.

My conclusion -- Happiness is not about laughing a lot. Happiness is about feeling good about yourself and others. The two go hand-in-hand for me. And, my happiness from daily routine comes my ability to get rid of the negative drama that comes into my life now and then and knowing that I have a deep network of friends and family upon which to rely.